I write this as a letter to myself, a calling, a reminder – to breathe.
Lately I feel overwhelmed and burdened by the pressures of being 20. Of what society labels 20 to be. Of what being an undergraduate student with traditionally 2 years left in their undergrad academia. Of what “figuring” out my life really means. To identify myself, my interests, and fold that into a career.
DEAR FUTURE SELF,
It’s okay if you don’t know. If you don’t know today, if you don’t know tomorrow, if you don’t know in a month. Things don’t just know, they do. And maybe that’s something you ought to try doing more. To sit, contemplate, struggle/be frustrated/cry, write/journal/read. To breathe. And then do something about how you feel.
You see, Monet – you love planning. You love sitting there and writing, dreams, goals, to-do lists, and the satisfaction that it brings you when those things are crossed off – it can’t be described. But you see, to cross those things off – you need to do something. About how you feel, about what you want to do, about what you wish you could do.
As you write this, you feel tangled by the ideas of how you see yourself in 10 years, 20 years, 30/40/50, until the day you have kids or even, grandkids.
But you see, there’s a beauty to a vision because it changes. Because it’s never going to be the way you think it will be. Because that’s just not how life works.
If you could plan life and make it all beautiful, rosy, straightforward – I’m sure many people would. I know for sure that you would. That’s how your personality is and how your mind operates. But you cannot plan life. There’s nothing about life that you can predict, that you can oversee, that you can really truly control. And that’s the beauty of it all. So embrace it. Let go of those images you have of yourself, hold onto them if it’s your dream/passion/goal. But don’t tie yourself too tightly to them that you forget to hold onto your present self.
Life is unfolding, right in front of you – as a 20 year old, you feel like you have control over everything and simultaneously nothing at all. Embrace that feeling, it’s going to be okay. It will all be okay.
LIFE IS UNFOLDING.
With much love,
Featured image by Hallie Kathryn.